I’m looking back quite a bit these days in order to look forward.  Another part of me is wallowing in self pity. Both have their place. 

Re-reading things I wrote 10 or more years ago provides an interesting perspective.  I believed then and I believe now that we can reinvent ourselves whenever we want. I do not mean reinvent in a dishonest way. What I mean is that at any time we can reevaluate our situation, walk away from what isn’t working and find a path forward to feed our soul.

We don’t have to be defined by other people or circumstances. Yes, they contribute to who and what we are. Our parents had expectations that for better or worse affected who we were as children and young adults and then it was expectations of spouses, children, friends and colleagues.

I was a shy, quiet kid. People who know me now don’t always believe that but it’s true. I could always get lost in drawing and painting. As a kid, the only thing I ever wanted to be was an artist. When we grow up, more often than not, life gets in the way of us pursuing the dreams we had as children. 

Changing direction doesn’t imply that we regret our previous path or paths. I have no regrets about where I was or who I was in the past.  Every path and decision brings us to where we are.  I wouldn’t change a hair on the heads of my children or grandchildren.  Even though the place I’m in right now is sad and marked with grief it is not filled with regret. It is filled with gratitude.

More on that next time.