It seems that whenever I sit down to write these days, I need to look back in order to look forward. And so that is the path I took this morning. I sat down to write and began by reading my last post from March.

Toward the end of the post I said “Even though the place I’m in right now is sad and marked with grief it is not filled with regret. It is filled with gratitude. More on that next time”. Well next time is here.

I got back from Florida a week before Thanksgiving just like last year. But unlike last year, I am now alone. Life changed last November so quickly and permanently. Thanksgiving week will forever be a time of grief, memories, profound sadness, reflection and yes gratitude.

I am grateful for my family – the kids (and this includes their spouses), my grandkids and my friends who have become family over the years. You are all blessings.

One of those near and dear to my heart just wants to fix me. The suggestion was that I should start journaling. I explained that I’ve done that over the years. For over 4 years I started every day at the computer with my coffee…writing. It was great therapy. I made fun of my life, the stories of being squeezed between aging parents, kids, and grandkids all while still working at a freelance graphic design and marketing position. I waxed whimsically about the simplicity of life when I was young and memories tactile as the smell of strawberries and the feel of the sun on my shoulders on a warm summer morning. But at the heart of it all was my husband, the most wonderful, supportive and loving person in my life.

So, I digressed as usual, but it all brings me back to gratitude. May this be the first journal entry albeit a blog about being grateful. Will it fix me…not sure I can or should be “fixed”. Grief is a process and processes can take time. There are no set rules that say “a years up, get on with it”.

Today I choose to be grateful.