I was reading over some of my blogs from many years ago. This one hit me. Especially the last sentence.

Morning has always been one of my favorite times. When my kids were young, I always got up before everyone else and had my coffee in silence. This was my time to think, to plan, to contemplate the day.  Things change, or at least the methodology changes, but the essence stays the same. Today, I still plan and organize my day, but it is front of a computer screen. I not only contemplate the future but wax fondly about the past. Thoughts of my grandchildren bring back memories of my kids when they were little. I’m sometimes amazed that the time has gone by so quickly.  The quiet in the morning with my treasured cup of java used to be the calm before the storm. That storm was the fighting over the sugar at the bottom of the box of cereal or who was taking too long in the bathroom or who missed the bus . . . again. Those storms also included a rainbow that was laughter and music and silliness and just the joyful noise that is life. There are no rainbows without rain.

I have to admit that the last year and a half has been hard and the rainbows hard to see … but I know they are there … it was just me who couldn’t see them. It was hard to find joy in the simple things. I am determined to change that. I am responsible for my own happiness.  Yes, I miss my husband and always will. That’s ok. I am so much luckier than so many others in my position. I have my family. My children, their spouses and my amazing grandchildren are the light in the darkness. They are joy.  I have friends. I have some friends who I’ve had since first grade. How many people are lucky enough to say that.  I have my dog. Anyone who knows me knows my dog is my friend and my family and my constant companion. No children she is not an animal she is your sister with a lot of hair. I have things to do that I love. Art is my escape and always has been. Painting and teaching have been a lifeline for my soul. 

It’s going to rain later today – I for one will be looking for the rainbow.